Caged Heat (1974): "Women's prison U.S.A. - Rape Riot and Revenge! White hot desires melting cold prison steel!"

Well, there’s no raping, although the prison doctor does do a little molesting. No riot really either, just a couple of catfights. No revenge, unless you count the indirect way the warden and doctor get killed by their own guards at the end. And not much "white hot desire" for that matter. The only desire we see is the doctor's, and his is creepy more than white hot.

Hype/Reality rating: 2 out of 5

First of all the girls are good. Princess Marga is a political prisoner who is only under lock and key because of a coup against her father, the deposed king. The main character, Amanda, is a CIA agent sent undercover to bust the princess out. The third main character just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and ends up in prison by association with Amanda. So, these girls are pretty good on the whole. Plus, they’re not in cages. Their cells are actually quite roomy, solo cells.

Hype/Reality rating: 1 out of 5

The movie is set in the year 3000 (maybe, at one point they refer to 2169), so we’ll cut them a little slack here. But there are no where near 2000 women. More like 20. And there aren’t 1000 ways to punish them, just two really: an electrified bra and a torture chamber that looks a lot like a sleeping pod and leaves the victim temporarily paralyzed (which looks a lot like sleeping). Actually, several of the inmates are also forced to participate in kinky sex, so that adds some punishment I guess.

Hype/Reality rating: 3 out of 5

Of the main characters, one is a lesbian (Grear), one is a junkie who hangs with the lesbian (Harrad), one is asexual but plays with a cat (Ferina), one is a political prisoner who seems quite committed to her man on the outside (Bodine), one is a new arrival who hasn’t had time to get desperate (Collier). That leaves Alcott, who indeed is pretty desperate, and does rape a man by threatening to castrate him if he doesn’t perform. She also threatens to shoot another man in the crotch later in the movie. But that is one of six, and she isn’t even really the main character.

Hype/Reality rating: 2 out of 5

We’ve got a split decision here. The first tag line is completely off the mark. The main character (Terry) is in jail specifically because she’s got hot pants. So her hot desires enslaved her rather than melting her chains. Of the other characters, only one (Carla) actually seems "hot with desire," although I’m not sure that melts any chains either. The second tag line, though in bad taste, is arguably closer to the truth. The male prison guards are all gay, which doesn’t make them "half men," of course, but it does make them something. Most of the female prisoners are all woman, especially Terry and Blossom.  Rrrrwow.

Hype/Reality rating: 3 out of 5

The Big Bust Out (1972): "Locked in a cage of wild desire."

Or not. The girls break out of prison in the first 10 minutes, so they aren't really locked in cages much at all.  And only one of them seems at all desirous, and not all that wildly at that. Anyway, what the heck is a "cage of wild desire?"

Hype/Reality rating: 1 out of 5

This is really a tough one because we have three different tag lines.  Okay, the first -- "Boiling passions..." -- doesn't really make much sense.  There is some boiling passion, but mostly it is demonstrated by prison guard Alabama rather than any of the inmates, and Alabama is not really confined, is she?  The second -- "Naked lust..." -- again seems off.  None of the main characters is particularly lusty.  One is a season con, another a junkie, and the last one is an imprisoned innocent who pines after her man on the outside.  The third -- "White skin..." -- actually has some resonance since a couple of the girls are actually sold into prostitution at one point.  I think a better tag line would have been: "Cruelty, betrayal, and desperation behind bars!"

Hype/Reality rating: 2 out of 5 

Um, nope.  First of all, the gals are hardly dangerous alone.  One of them is a stoolie, another a collaborator, a third sleeps with a guard to try to escape.  Manipulative and sneaky maybe, but hardly dangerous.  As for being deadly together... well, in the end the girls take advantage of a bunch of guards too drunk and tired after a night of debauchery to fight back.  So this one is close to a goose egg in terms of accuracy.

Hype/Reality rating: 1 out of 5 

"Hot rage" definitely.  Rita is a hellcat with a grudge against Michelle.  The violence is raw but sporadic.  Still, a plausible short-hand description of what appears on screen.

Hype/Reality rating: 4 out of 5 

I gotta admit, though this movie sucks, the tagline pretty much sums it up.  The gals are definitely untamed, and since they seem to have free rein of the prison, "uncaged" is a reasonable assessment.  And I guess that since they escape in the end as a result of a violent uprising, "unleashed" works too.  Unfortunately, the tagline is the best part of this one.

Hype/Reality rating: 4 out of 5 

Technically, I guess this one is sorta accurate since most of the characters gets wasted, and those that survive remain on the island.  But Doc Milford, at least, is offered the opportunity to leave, and since the movie ends with the establishment of an egalitarian commune, I think the rhetoric is pretty overblown.

Hype/Reality rating: 2 out of 5 

Coming soon (or whenever I get around to them):

Caged Women (1982): "The strong ones take, the weak ones give."

Jungle Warriors (1984): "Seven ravishing models trapped in the middle of a Peruvian cocaine empire with two choices.  Fight... or die!"

Women's Prison Massacre (1983): "Maximum security.  Maximum terror."