Frequently Asked Questions
Are you really a warden?
No.
A guard?
No.
Do you even work in a prison?
No.
Then why do you call yourself The
Warden? Are you some sort of sick BDSM fetishist?
Sick? No, not sick.
Have you ever been in prison?
No, I’ve managed to stay one step ahead of the law.
So far.
So, why the prison obsession?
Well, isn’t everyone intrigued by prison? I mean
both fascinated and terrified of it? There are literally hundreds of
prison movies out there, so it must be interesting to people besides me.
You review lots of women in prison
movies. Is your site just an excuse to watch movies with lots of naked
women?
Um, you mean I need an excuse? No, but seriously, I
love movies, but, you know, I’m never going to be a famous critic like
Roger Ebert or even James
Berardinelli. I don’t have the time to see 300 movies a year. But
I did want to do a fun and interesting site. Now, the thing is,
reviewing the Shawshank Redemption (1994) is all well and good, but does anyone
really care what I have to say about it? Where is the value added? Now,
on the other hand, a lot of the more exploitative prison movies
have virtually no significant reviews written about them on-line, and
what’s more, it’s easier to do an entertaining review of Caged
Heat (1974) than of the merciless downer Midnight Express
(1978).
So naturally I end up reviewing a lot of women in prison movies.
Plus, of course, the naked chicks.
How do you decide which movies to review?
No real system. Whatever I’m in the mood for.
Recommendations are welcome... although be warned that if you suggest I
review your favorite movie, I might end up hating it and writing a
nasty review.
If you could be any standard prison
movie character, which would it be?
I’d be the slightly off-kilter prisoner who goes
nuts when the warden does something petty to me. I could imagine having
a pet mouse.
Please tell us more about yourself.
Well, where to begin.... My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant
for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being
lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in
Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with
reeds. Pretty standard, really.
Hey, you stole that quote from Austin
Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). What are you,
some sort of plagiarist?
Plagiarist is such an ugly word. I mean,
literally, ugly. Just look at it. Yuck.
Can I do a guest review on your site?
No.
Please. Why not?
Well, because this is my site. Go get your own.
Should I make Prison Flicks my startup
page? And should I used the links on your page to make all my online
purchases at Amazon.com,
Buy.com
, and
Express.com?
Wow, what an insightful question! The answer is yes to
all. Doing these things will make your life better in every way
imaginable. You’ll be happier,
richer, and get more sex... especially, if you spend lots and lots of
money at each of those sites.
I love your site so much, I’d like
to send you money. Do you prefer cash or money orders.
Cash. It's harder to trace.
My girlfriend has been reading your
site, and now she says she wants to sleep with you. I don’t know if
that is a good idea. What do you think?
Is she cute? Scan a picture and send it to me. I’ll
get back to you as soon as I can.
See, you are sick. I knew it.
Okay, okay, but I prefer "twisted."
Um... does that mean you're not going to be sending that picture?
I am in prison. I think I could add a
lot to your site. Would you like to begin a correspondence?
Um, I’d rather not. Is that okay?
Ha ha. Just kidding. I’m a movie
fan, just like you. Now can we exchange email?
Sure. Fire away: warden@prisonflicks.com
Any more questions?
